October 7, Slap in the Face (posted by Jason)

Two days ago at church I received a slap in the face…well, it may not be exactly as you might imagine so let me explain.

Sunday was Halle-Grace’s first time attending church. We were a little late for Sunday school…I am a creature of habit; I like routine. I know exactly how long it takes me to do A, B, and C and when D, E and F are thrown in, well, it threw my timing off and we did not make it to SS. However, as I was dropping her off at the nursery one of the ladies was captivated by Halle-Grace’s beauty and she commented on how she looked similar to me. (This is not an attempt at being self-flattering) Anyway, I responded to her by explaining how similar Halle-Grace’s personality and Shannon’s are. I then, as every other time up to that point, explained how I did not think it coincidence that we shared these traits and that, to me, it proved God had chosen Halle-Grace to be our daughter. And then she slapped me…

O.k. she did not actually swing her hand across my face, but what she said had roughly the same effect. She corrected my way of thinking and said that it did not prove God had chosen Halle-Grace to be our daughter, but it did prove he had chosen us to be her parents. Now I have been reflecting on this for the past two days and I think it is more than semantics, or a choice of wording. For, from my earlier perspective I thought Halle-Grace had been made for me. She had been created for my delight and enjoyment. She was the gift and I was the benefactor. However, from this new perspective I was shown that is not the case at all. As her parents, we were made for Halle-Grace. We were chosen by God to be the specific caretakers of Halle-Grace. God’s grace and love is the gift and Halle-Grace is the benefactor. We are simply the stewards to help in the process.

Already, in just the past 36 hours, this has had an impact on me. This is not to say that I was unaware of my responsibility to Halle-Grace prior to this encounter on Sunday. Nor does it mean that I will not receive blessing and joy as Halle-Grace’s father. What it does mean is that I see parenthood in a whole new light…and I am still less than five weeks into it. Man, what a learning experience in life this has already been. I am sure there will be other epiphanies along the way, and I am looking forward to them all.

In closing, please continue to keep Shannon in your prayers concerning the loss of Gabby. I am not going to say she was like a daughter to us. She WAS a daughter to us and we are grieving her as such. Thank you to all for your emails, calls, letters, love and prayer. Please continue to pray for us as we continue try and work through our grief.